If every couple I mediated with for divorce or post-divorce modifications understood these principles, healing would begin to change the dynamic between them and flow through to their children and communities. Mediation is often the format where such conversations begin. Call Judy Larkins to discuss your situation. Whether you are trying to make agreements to repair your marriage, needing to begin the process to divorce in a respectful manner, or addressing parenting or changes in child support after a divorce decree has been granted, a mediated negotiation of the issues can be a meaningful beginning point for many couples.
Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability
Live Whole Heartedly with a strong sense of love and belonging &
know you are worthy of connection with other people:
1. COURAGE to be imperfect.
2. COMPASSION: be kind to yourself first, then to others
3. CONNECTION results from authenticity. Be willing to let go of who you thought you should be in order to be who you are, for the possibility of connection
4. VULNERABILITY: Believe that what makes you vulnerable is also what makes you beautiful: not comfortable nor excruciating but necessary. Be willing to say "I love you" first. Even where there are no guarantees, this vulnerability is fundamental for relationships.
Negative responses that leads to disconnection is to numb vulnerability (grief, shame, fear, disappointment)
1. Numbing leads to debt, obesity, addiction, and prescription drugs - US now has most medicated adults in history
2. The Truth - we cannot selectively numb emotion - along with negative emotions, we also joy, gratitude, happiness, purpose and meaning.
This becomes a dangerous cycle. Result = You tend to make everything that is uncertain become a certainty (faith, politics, conversations, blame) Change a belief in faith and mystery into a certainty; you meet people having opposing views from your own with hostility. You then seek to perfect each situation and may work to make your children into perfect models.
5. Numbing leads to pretending that what you do does not have an impact on other people.
Appropriate posture - realize you are imperfect and wired for struggle. You will make it.
1. Learn to say "I'm sorry"
2. Let yourself be seen.
3. Love with your whole heart.
4. Practice gratitude and joy even in moments of terror and fear.
5. Believe that you are enough - stop screaming and start listening.